It's for FREE!

I feel so anxious inside. The phrase from scripture "be anxious about nothing" just popped into my head, too. More likely than not, that phrase is probably figurative and not literal, but still I feel like it's probably a bad thing being anxious about stuff.

Tonight was supposed to be youth group, but we just ended up going over some music with Rob and the youth band. I was kinda disappointed. I've been waiting for another youth meeting for weeks now since that amazing meeting we had in November. I feel bad about being so impatient, as if maybe there is something that I should be doing to fill up the time in between youth meetings (and I actually DO fill up the time in between... or else my fire would go out).

When it comes down to it, the only feeling I think I enjoy enough to live for is the feeling I get when eyes are opened and everyone comes together in unity with Christ. HAHAHA, sounds like a something BIG right? Well, it really seemed to happen that one night back in November. It felt like everyone's eyes were blasted wide open and everyone saw Christ. I know I did, and I'm still talking about it because I can't let a night like that just GO AWAY.

Nights like those are just as real as the boring nights, normal nights, or even bad ones. There is something out there that is that amazing, and all we had to do that night was reach out and grab it. It makes me wonder why we spend so much time not reaching for it again. Joey and I have talked about that question a lot. I spontaneously will realize from time to time that the sinning that I do is rooted in the most wasteful and pointless things.

I rhetorically (and reflexively) asked the question in front of the youth group that amazing night: "If the Bible clearly says that 'every good and perfect thing is from the Lord our God', then why do we seek for good things elsewhere? What's more, if we never find good in any other place than in His arms, then why do we spend so much time outside of seeking Him out?" When it gets down to reality... that question makes so much since. If God = good, why aren't we running to him with every breath we've got?

HAHAHAHA, I would love to live by this code... there's just always those times that I'm just like Peter taking my eyes off of Christ to look at the waves crashing around me, so I sink below the water like a faithless human. I guess those are the times when I dwell on God's everlasting, unconditional goodness. If salvation wasn't a gift, I would be SO UNFATHOMABLY INDEBTED to Him for what he has done for me! These things are the only thing worth boasting on!

Joyland is OVER.

Sorry I haven't kept up daily, but here's the latest news. We did three shows this weekend and all of them went relatively seamlessly. I think Saturday night's performance was the most enjoyable. Some of my friends came, and it was overall the most relaxed of the three audiences we entertained. Plus, we had already done a show the night before and were able to get a few more ideas of what may move the crowd more.

The play is over, and it's bittersweet. I don't think too many of us could stand to hear the songs again... but it was a lot of fun to be able to hang out with friends every night. Oh well, there will be another opportunity. A DVD is in the works, and I can't wait to see the final product.

One of the things I learn was that I am not a theatre actor. I might have just had a difficult part. It was just hard for me to figure out how to act my part out. I was supposed to be a younger boy, and our family was supposed to be down on the luck and unable to afford Christmas. True, we pulled everything together in less than a month, and all of the acting in less than two weeks at least... how good could we have really made it? Good acting takes a lot of thought and strategy. I don't think we ever got to that part.

Another thing I found out is that I like singing a WHOLE LOT more than I like acting. Fortunately, I got a solo and everything so I didn't end up COMPLETELY BORED with the play.

Well, I've got family in town and everything, but to tell the truth, I can't wait for the holidays to be done and over with. Everyone really loves Christmas (and I really do too), but things seem to always get apathetic around this time of year. Things kinda fall apart. Then there's New Year's where everyone gets drunk as pigs and then they make their resolutions to quit getting drunk...

Okay, maybe not THAT harsh. It just sucks when people go out of town, and things get canceled because of holidays... It's one of those times when things end up falling through, and collapse is a hard thing for me to watch. Or to bear. But God is faithful, so should I be!

More mentionings.

Today was one of those days that you go through expecting nothing, but actually get a pretty good ending to. There is nothing better than a day that ends with a smile. Today was one of those days that you forget soon, but in reality is pretty close to the ideal day. Nothing terrible happened, and I have neither good or bad feelings about today. There was a fair balance of emotion in everything that happened too. I got a little frustrated this afternoon, but not too frustrated. I got a little lonely, but not too lonely. Then I felt happy, but not not too overjoyed to where I went crazy. Most importantly, I didn't make a fool of myself at all today.

Tonight was "dress rehearsal" for Joyland, which is the church play we're showing this weekend. Tomorrow night is the first show, a "dinner theatre". I'm not nervous at all. Tonight and last night put together, we've run through the show four times and we've only improved. I'm ready, and so are the two actresses who play opposite me, so I feel confident. There's nothing worse than getting a part with someone who can't remember any lines and/or has no adlib theory.

I learned how to play this really good praise song called "Rescue" today. The chord for it were all fierce looking, but I looked them up and they turned out to be pretty easy. Lawrence and Andy did a version of this song for an offertory once at church, so I have a little inspiration for my own version. We're gonna work on it and perform it at the Grounds.

I guess I never mentioned that I've sort of got a little band thing going. Yeah, so far, we're only playing praise stuff at the Grounds, but it's a lot of fun. And what better music to start out playing than praise stuff? I love it. Eventually, I hope we all get good enough at what we're doing that we can actually start writing and performing originals, but we'll see how it goes.

School's out for me. I took my last final on Wednesday, so I've been having a little relaxation time here in the mornings. However, working at Sonic hangs over my head like a something dead because I'm beginning to dread the slow winter season up there. Stand around for five hours, get paid. Sounds easy, but it sucks. Not easy when you're trying to look like you're doing something. We just grab a cloth from the sink and wipe things down, everything. We throw ketchup and napkins in bags. Clean ceilings. All day.

But at least I'm getting a good paycheck this time around. Christmas is gonna be good this year. I haven't done any shopping yet, but I've got some good ideas. Anyways, I'm gonna head to the kitchen on the way to bed and then off to sleep. Until next time.

A page of life has turned.

Hey everyone!

New blog. Why? Well, mainly because Google updated Blogger.com's interface and everything here is much cooler now. I would've kept the old blog going, but I couldn't figure out how to switch it over to the new style... so it's easy enough for me to start a new one.

Besides all the technical stuff, I can really say my a page of life has really turned inside the past few months since I left everyone hanging with my last blog. Yes, it ended on a harsh note. So many new things have happened since then.

(A little bit about what's been happening)

Particularly, my family is at another church now. This forced all of us into a new circle, but it's a good one, too. I'm beginning to accept change as a healthy thing. It's interesting starting fresh with a batch of new people... people I'd never met before. It's like these people were hidden away for years.

Anyways, I've been getting as involved as I can in my church. I've started practicing with the youth band to play on Wednesday nights, and I'll start practicing with the Sunday morning band as soon as I start getting better at guitar. I bought a decent electric guitar so that I wouldn't have to mic my acoustic one... but I will never leave my acoustic roots!

The youth group at church was totally disappointing through the first few visits. I kinda kept out of everyone's lives for a while, so I didn't mind leaving and going somewhere else on Wednesday nights. Joey (a dude from church) and I started hanging out more often, though, and I began to feel like I needed to go back.

When I went back for the first time, there was a whole new twist. Joey had been asked by the youth leaders to come up with a good change in the regular youth service, and he decided that we should open up for anyone there to come and share about what they're going through or what they're learning. So he shared about shining the light.

I was just sitting there in the crowd, so moved. I had some things in my heart that I wanted to say for a while, but couldn't find the time or the place to do it. So I asked if I could say a few things, and I went up to apologize for leaving the group without having even tried to make the best of it. I was lead to tell a little bit of my story.

After I felt like I said enough, Cathi (another friend of mine) went up and told a little bit of her struggles. I don't remember everything everyone shared that night, but it was mostly about the reality of everyday struggles... and to hold on. It was so amazing. Everyone that night was so real in those few moments.

So anyways, we've been so preoccupied with the church play that youth hasn't met again for about two weeks, but I can't wait for the next meeting. After that night, it was so much easier to draw closer to the kids from church. I'm glad I can be real with them now. My friends and I are doing are best to keep each other on track and it's one of the biggest blessings I've received this year.

Things are looking up.