It's for FREE!

I feel so anxious inside. The phrase from scripture "be anxious about nothing" just popped into my head, too. More likely than not, that phrase is probably figurative and not literal, but still I feel like it's probably a bad thing being anxious about stuff.

Tonight was supposed to be youth group, but we just ended up going over some music with Rob and the youth band. I was kinda disappointed. I've been waiting for another youth meeting for weeks now since that amazing meeting we had in November. I feel bad about being so impatient, as if maybe there is something that I should be doing to fill up the time in between youth meetings (and I actually DO fill up the time in between... or else my fire would go out).

When it comes down to it, the only feeling I think I enjoy enough to live for is the feeling I get when eyes are opened and everyone comes together in unity with Christ. HAHAHA, sounds like a something BIG right? Well, it really seemed to happen that one night back in November. It felt like everyone's eyes were blasted wide open and everyone saw Christ. I know I did, and I'm still talking about it because I can't let a night like that just GO AWAY.

Nights like those are just as real as the boring nights, normal nights, or even bad ones. There is something out there that is that amazing, and all we had to do that night was reach out and grab it. It makes me wonder why we spend so much time not reaching for it again. Joey and I have talked about that question a lot. I spontaneously will realize from time to time that the sinning that I do is rooted in the most wasteful and pointless things.

I rhetorically (and reflexively) asked the question in front of the youth group that amazing night: "If the Bible clearly says that 'every good and perfect thing is from the Lord our God', then why do we seek for good things elsewhere? What's more, if we never find good in any other place than in His arms, then why do we spend so much time outside of seeking Him out?" When it gets down to reality... that question makes so much since. If God = good, why aren't we running to him with every breath we've got?

HAHAHAHA, I would love to live by this code... there's just always those times that I'm just like Peter taking my eyes off of Christ to look at the waves crashing around me, so I sink below the water like a faithless human. I guess those are the times when I dwell on God's everlasting, unconditional goodness. If salvation wasn't a gift, I would be SO UNFATHOMABLY INDEBTED to Him for what he has done for me! These things are the only thing worth boasting on!